Fruitcakes

First off, are you aware of the battle we are having here in Manhattan, KS over the gender identity ordinance??  It is now OFFICALLY illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual preference or sexual identity.  For example, you cannot refuse to rent to someone simply because they are gay, or because someone was born named Matthew but decided she was really Rachel– like my daughter. 

Now knowing which side of this argument I am on, when this moron showed up at our church’s monthly church Men’s Breakfast and started trying to “tell us the truth” and “convert” us,… well like Popeye “That’s all I can stands, `cause I can’t stands n’more!!!”

Oh I tried to ignore him.  God knows I did, because we were in the church basement.  But in addition to his bilious rhetoric, this breakfast is a time for fellowship, bad jokes, and man talk without all the drinking and obscenity.  He was ruining it, and I was less than pleased.

Several people present thought they had seen me angry before.   Now they really have.  Even now I’m starting to shake writing this.  I don’t remember many of the specifics.  I know I gathered up the sheets of Old Testament verses he put on the table and turned them face down, which made him angry.  I know I quoted the New Testament to him, probably at a decibel level not heard for some time.  In some ways I feel responsible fore the spate of recent earthquakes.  I ordered him to leave– he said he didn’t have to. 

I left the room before I laid hands, my cane, a chair and possibly a table or two upon him.

When I came back, he was gone- escorted out by the rector.  The next day I heard he was in the street during the 8 AM service, howling trying to disrupt things.  Just as well I missed church that day.  I have no idea what I might have done, but I feel it would not have been pleasant.  

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Driving me crazy!!!

Here in the enlightened (?) state of Kansas, they have passed one law of which I absolutely approve.  As of January 1, it is illegal to write, send, or read a text message while operating a motor vehicle.   Here in Manhattan, they’ve taken it a step further.  It is illegal to use a cell phone- period– while driving.  So why do I still see so many rolling phone booths?  What call can be SO important that you find the need to place yourself and others at risk?  I can only think of One Person from whom such a call would be so absolutely necessary, and He doesn’t need to use a cell phone.  Although talking on one while driving may make such a conversation more likely!!

Also here in Manhattan, Riley County EMS has a relatively new ambulance.  It has more lights on it than the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree.  It makes enough noise for four fire trucks, three ambulances, two police cars and the combined bands of the United States Military.  It’s easily half again the size of the older ambulances.  SO WHY DO PEOPLE STILL NOT GET OUT OF ITS WAY??!!?  They can’t see it?  They can’t hear it? If they’re that visually and auricularly disadvantaged, they have no business driving.

Now for our word of the day:  PEDESTRIAN.  noun. 1. a person who goes or travels on foot; walker. –adjective. 2. going or performed on foot; walking. 3. of or pertaining to walking. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pedestrian

This does NOT include bicycles!!  Bicycles, I learned in U.S. Army Military Police Traffic Accident Investigation School, are “traffic units.”  Therefore, bicycles, mopeds or motored scooters have no business in pedestrian crosswalks!!  They are NOT protected by the magic shield that keeps REAL pedestrians safe within that bubble.   I will accept skates (in-line & others), skateboards, non-powered scooters, wheelchairs and any animal that can be led on a leash (not reins or a halter.)  Conversely, pedestrian crosswalks are there for the safety of those who by choice or otherwise are afoot.   Being within 50 feet of a crosswalk does not count.  Walk yourself down to the designated safety zone!!  Pedestrians outside of such areas have another name—“targets!”

Bailey to the groomer

I'm too cute!!

I'm too cute, I don't need the groomer

Hybernating

Besides, it's gonna snow, and I'm hybernatin`!!

Busted!!

Busted!!

At least I get a reward for all this!!

I want youse mugs ta get wid dose stiffs in the 5th ward cemetery!! Last time dey voted fer the wrong guy!!!

Danged papa-razzi, I said no more pictures!!!

Pathetic.

Federal judge dead, congresswoman among 12 wounded in shooting  http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/01/08/arizona.shooting/index.html?hpt=T1&iref=BN1

  Well crap.  A U.S. Representative who wants to meet with real, non-special interest people and she gets shot for her efforts, along with several others.  So many “Representatives” never leave The Beltway until elections, and when one does, this happens.  I don’t know if I agreed with her on all topics or not, but she was making the effort to stay in touch with her constituency, and that, in my book makes her special. 

  I know, the shooter was “mentally unstable”– who isn’t??  I’m not the poster child for rational thought, nor am I noted for being the most tolerant of people to those I perceive as being “wrong” (i.e., disagreeing with me.)  This is why I usually do not discuss politics– with anyone.  It’s the only way Mary and I have stayed together for so long.  Those who have seen me in action at work or elsewhere know exactly what I mean. 

  However, I have never resorted to violence on any level.  It’s simply not worth it.  What, precisely, does it accomplish?  I’ve heard many people say someone ought to shoot “Reverend” Fred Phelps because they think  he is an infected hair follicle on the face of humanity.  Will people stop hating because one man is dead?   Extremist abortion opponents kill the doctors and blow up clinics to save unborn babies.  Oh, yeah, I see the logic there.  Kinda like the “peace activists” of the 1960’s who set off bombs to oppose the war.  Say what?

  I’m just too bummed to add anymore to this.

How many idiots can dance on the point of a pin?

  A philosophical question, to be certain.  Usually phrased as “angels” and “the head of a pin.”  However, it’s my blog, and if I’m gonna make it idiots, I don’t want to make it too easy for them.  The more that fall off, the better.

  Now we come to the definition of  “idiot.”  Everyone has their own personal definition, but I think they all boil down to any person who is having trouble seeing things as logically and sensibly as you are at any given time.

  For example, the driving idiot who doesn’t understand that you got perfect marks in Driver’s Ed, so of course you know the correct way to drive, and they obviously do not.  Or the political idiot, who is so obviously wrong they must realize it, but they refuse to agree with you out of pig-headedness.  How about the religious idiot, arrogantly trying to convince you of the error of YOUR ways!! 

  I think I’m finally near a point here, so I’d better make it.  We are all idiots at one time or another.  It’s been impossible to avoid since the gates of Eden closed behind us.

  I warned you this would occasionally be the stream of consciousness ramblings of a curmudgeon.

Editing literature

Have you heard the latest craze??

http://abcnews.go.com/US/latest-word-huck-finn/story?id=12539499&tqkw=&tqshow=NL

So now instead of BURNING or BANNING “Huckleberry Finn”, we’ll just rewrite it so it isn’t so objectionable.  

Well, why not?? Let’s edit all literature to fit our modern sensibilities??

William Shakespeare’s Hamlet Act III, Scene 1:

“WTF, man?  I mean like which is better, to fight or to fly??   Man oh man, I gotta think about this.”

William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar Act III Scene 2 Line 75  

“Listen up!  I’m here to plant this sucker, not blow smoke up your butts!! ”

Christopher Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus

They went to war and burned Ilium for this chick?”

Get real, people.  I could go on, but it’s late, and I wanna get this out there while my disgust is fresh!

Arrowing experience

You shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to Earth you know not where.

But I know where you stupid,… git
It came down where it could have hit
My wife, my son, my dog or me
instead of landing by that tree!!

I thought everyone was quite aware
of Newton’s law of things in the air
That what goes up, eventually
returns to Earth quite speedily!!

That Carbon Express® AMPED-XS
you set to flight with such largesse
was found this evening in patch
of brush near homes, you booby-hatch!!

I have your missile sir or ma’am
And being the person that I am
Return it I will surely do so
If I may just borrow your bow!!