Wisdom I’ve garnered

Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival

– Rene Dubos

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Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

. – Benjamin Disraeli

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Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.

– Simeon Strunsky

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swallowing pride never choked anyone

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Im not close-minded, you’re just wrong!

Bucky, “Get Fuzzy”

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Disclaimer: They’re my opinions, but they’re your problem.

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It was when I received the endorsement of Alec Guiness that I knew the Force was with us.

– Martin Bell, MP for Tatton

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To be pleased with one’s limits is a wretched state.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half,

double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years

to the age of their best friend.

* Marcel Achard

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Tomorrow is no place to place your better days

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*~*Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs my darling…*~*

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I have been working outside the box for so long I lost the BOX

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My uncle stole 23 cans of beer but they cannot take him to court

because they do not have a case.

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Buckle Up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car!

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The worst computer virus is an uneducated user

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Cardinal Glick: The first of many revamps the “Catholicism WOW!”

campaign will unveil over the next year . . . I give you the Buddy

Christ,… Christ didn’t come to Earth to give us the willies. He

came to help us “Dogma”

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People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel.

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It’s better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.

Elizabeth Kenny

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If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the

significance of a clean desk?

Laurence J. Peter US educator & writer (1919 – 1988)

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Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required.

– Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

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That is not dead which can eternal lie. But given many strange

aeons, even death may die -H.P.Lovecraft

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What is man without the beast, for without the beast man would soon

die from great loneliness of spirit. For whatever happens to the

beast, soon happens to the man. All things are connected. -chief

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Change is inevitable– except from a vending machine.

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being

ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.

-Rodney Dangerfield-

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If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

— Bill Lyon

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If you truly believe in your own dreams and move towards them, and if

you are positive and energetic in your pursuit of these dreams…then

nothing will or can stand in your way.

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When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other

seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

Al Franken, “Oh, the Things I Know”, 2002

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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people

suffer from a mental illness. Think of your three closest friends, if

they are ok, then it’s you

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“I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car

going really fast, and stick it out the window.”

***

“I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out.

Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.”

Steven Wright

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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

* Steven Wright

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Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial

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Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

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May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night,

and the road downhill all the way to your door.

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If you truly believe in your own dreams and move towards them, and if

you are positive and energetic in your pursuit of these dreams…then

nothing will or can stand in your way.

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Share and Enjoy!

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Then the idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone,

All centuries but this and every country but his own.

The Mikado

——————–

Whoever does not miss the Soviet Union has no heart. Whoever wants

it back has no brain.

-Vladimir Putin-

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There are 10 types of people in the world….those who know binary,

and those who do not.

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve

never tried before.

– Mae West (1892-1980)

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Life is too short to have anything but delusional notions about yourself.

-Gene Simmons of KISS-

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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

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I am impelled, not to squeak like a grateful and apologetic mouse,

but to roar like a lion out of pride in my profession.

-John Steinbeck-

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Some people are like Slinkies. They’re really good for nothing. But

they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a

flight of stairs.

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I have opinions of my own — strong opinions — but I don’t always

agree with them. -George Bush

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get caught in jet engines.

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It’s hard to soar with the eagles when you’re surrounded by turkeys

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…the one who has learned to overcome self-contempt has overcome

their contempt for others.

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Remember they can kill you but they can’t eat you that’s against the Law

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The Chain Around The Neck of Humanity is Our Tendency to Pass

Judgments on Others.

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” A man is not finished when he’s defeated; he’s finished when he

quits.” Richard Nixon

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The man who comes back through the Door in the wall will never be

quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less

cocksure, happier but less selfsatified, humbler in acknowledging his

ignorance, yet better equipped to understand the relationship of

words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable Mystery

which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend.

Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception

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— I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

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I had amnesia once — or twice.

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— Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

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— What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

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* They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.

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* Teach A child to be polite and courteous in The home and, when he

grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

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* Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

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* Experience is The thing you have left when everything else is gone.

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* What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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— One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

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* when The only tool you own is A hammer, every problem begins to

look like a nail.

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* A flashlight is A case for holding dead batteries.

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* My weight is perfect for My height — which varies.

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— I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

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— The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

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* How can there be self-help groups?

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* is there another word for synonym?

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* Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

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* The speed of time is one-second per second.

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* is it possible to be totally partial?

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— What’s another word for thesaurus?

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* if swimming is so good for your figure, How do you explain whales?

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— It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

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* is it My imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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ALL WORDS AND EVENTS IN. THIS E-MAIL -EVEN THOSE BASED. ON REAL

PEOPLE–ARE ENTIRELY. FICTIONAL. ALL CELEBRITY VOICES. ARE

IMPERSONATED…..POORLY. THE FOLLOWING E-MAIL MAY CONTAIN COARSE

LANGUAGE. AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT IT. SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED OR READ BY.

ANYONE.

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I’m confused….wait, maybe I’m not.

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If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

– Carl Sagan

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I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

– Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

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As you slide down the banisters of life may the splinters never point the wrong way.

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Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem – The one safety for the vanquished is to abandon hope of safety; knowing there is no hope can

give one the courage to fight and win

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Valui ad satanam in computatrum meum invocandum – I succeeded in summoning satan into my computer

Country Wisdom:

* Don’t name a pig you plan to eat.

* Your fences need to be horse high, pig tight and bull strong.

* Life ain’t about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

* Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered,,,,,,,not yelled.

* Meanness don’t jest happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Don’t sell your mule to buy a plow.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most! of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway

* Don’t squat down with your spurs on.

* Don’t judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

* Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* It’s better to be a has-been than a never-was.

* The easiest way to eat crow is while it’s still warm.

* The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

* If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t.

* It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

* Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.

*The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave your face in the mirror every mornin’.

* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

* Don’t worry about bitin’ off more ‘n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think.

* Only cows know why they stampede.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there with ya.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

– George Washington Carver (1864-1943)

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I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.

  • Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

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He who increases wisdom, also increases sorrow.

When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts

in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is

good, the product of a master craftsman.

  • La Bruyere

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Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp – or what’s a heaven for? –Robert Browning

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Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense

muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth.

Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your

life. –Joan Lunden

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He that lives upon hope will die fasting.

*Benjamin Franklin

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Don’t get hung up on “appreciating” art:

A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world. –Edmond de Goncourt

Any work of art that can be understood is the product of journalism. –Tristan Tzara

It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of Art. –Oscar Wilde

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The Washington Post ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

(in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.)

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,

when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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The Washington Post’s Style Invitational once again asked readers to

take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9 . Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10 .Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12 .Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter

when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole. (My personal favorite!!)

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I am an expert witness– because I say I am!

Garden of Allah by Don Henley

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If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving!!

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Except for Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, War Has Never Solved Anything.

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I am wallowing in my own chaotic, insecure delusions…

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Homer: We’ll search out every place a sick twisted solitary misfit might run to.

Lisa: I’ll start with Radio Shack.

–Simpsons – Treehouse of Horror VII

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We will never be at peace with the nations next to us until we are at peace with the person who sleeps next to us.

~Nathaniel Hawthorne Bronner Jr.~

We will never be at peace with the nations next to us, or the person sleeping next to us, if we are not at peace with the person within us.

~Mary Sier

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If you could kick the posterior of the person who has hurt you the most, …you wouldn’t be able to sit down for six weeks. ~John Hagee~

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Pigs may fly, but they make very unlikely birds.

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Love people and use things, Not love things and use people

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There are two types of laws: there are just laws and there are unjust

laws… What is the difference between the two?…An unjust law is a

man-made code that is out of harmony with the moral law… Paul

Tillich has said that sin is separation. Isn’t segregation an

existential expression of man’s tragic separation, an expression of

his awful estrangement, his terrible sinfulness?

–Martin Luther King, Jr., 1963

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The nation is sick; trouble is in the land, confusion all around…

But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the

stars. And I see God working in this period of the twentieth century.

Something is happening in our world. The masses of people are rising

up. And wherever they are assembled today, whether they are in

Johannesburg, South Africa; Nairobi, Kenya; Accra, Ghana; New York

City; Atlanta, Georgia; Jackson, Mississippi; or Memphis, Tennessee,

the cry is always the same: ‘We want to be free.’

— Martin Luther King, Jr., 3rd April 1968

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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the

silence of our friends.

– Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

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WOMBAT

W-aste O-f M-oney B-rains A-nd T-ime

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“LINUX is like a wigwam….no Windows, no Gates…..and an Apache inside!”

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-o)

/\\ Message void if penguin is violated.

\_V Don’t mess with the penguin.

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OVERCLOCKING – The process of installing high hopes, dumb luck, and

several paychecks into a rectangular box which transmits a signal to

a screen that displays your fate. The outcome is usually depressing.

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Computer Slang: RTFM – This acronym stands for READ THE F***ING

MANUAL. This term is used generally when people ask questions that

are readily available in the manual.

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ONTC – One Neck To Choke; a single point of contact for all

communications, or, the one person to be held accountable for a

certain responsibility

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One wonders for whom these hapless souls blog. Why do they choose to

expose their unremarkable opinions, sententious drivel and unedifying

private lives to the potential gaze of total strangers? What prompts

this particular kind of digital exhibitionism? The present generation

of bloggers seems to imagine that such crassly egotistical behavior

is socially acceptable and that time-honored editorial and filtering

functions have no place in cyberspace. Undoubtedly, these are the

same individuals who believe that the free-for-all, communitarian

approach of Wikipedia is the way forward. Librarians, of course, know

better.

* -Indiana University Dean and Rudy Professor of Information Science

Blaise Cronin

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