More Call Center Life

Thank you for calling Acme Cell Phone Customer Service, my name is Marah, may I have the cell phone number you are calling about?

I don’t know the number.

Sir, I can’t help you if I don’t know the number we’re dealing with.

I can give you the last four numbers of my Social Security number.

I’m sorry, sir, but that’s still not sufficient.

That’s OK `cause I just want to cancel the service.

I can’t do that either, sir, without knowing the number.

That’s why I want to cancel–customer service here stinks!!!!!

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Thank you for calling Acme Cell Phone Customer Service, my name is Marah, may I have the cell phone number you are calling about?

555-555-5555

OK how may I help you??

My calls have been dropping the last couple of days.

I see from your account you live in an area that is currently experienceing a hurricane.  Have you considered the weather as a factor?

Why is it Fox Mulder can be buried in Arizona in a box car full of dead aliens, yet he can connect to Scully in Washington, D.C.  but you can’t guarantee me service in this over-grown thunderstorm?

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Thank you for calling Acme Computer Customer Service, my name is Ishmael, how may I assist you?

Yeah this brand new computer is broken and I wanna refund.

OK may I have the serial number?  ########################  I see, sir, that he unit you have purchased is actually one of our refurbished models.  Would you like the number to technical support for that model?

What do you mean “refurbished?”

It’s a model that was returned to us for whatever reason, and our tech support personnel check it out, make sure that it’s in operational condition, and then is offered for sale through discount outlets.  May I ask where you purchased this computer?

Dewey Taykum’s Pawn Shop in the Bronx.

That’s not one of our approved outlets, sir. (Pause) Sir??

That stupid (edited) clown told me it was brand new!!  I’m gonna take this back there and (edited)!!  (MUCH more editing!)

Is there anything else I can do for you sir?

Yeah- watch for me on the evening news!!! (CLICK)

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Thank you for calling Acme Computer Technical Support, my name is Ishmael, how may I assist you?

My computer won’t do anything.  It just sits there with the light flashing at the top of the screen.

What were you doing when this problem started, sir?

Well, my cousin told me that if I removed programs from my computer it would run faster, so I removed them all.

Excuse me?

Yeah, he told me about this command called “fdisk”, so I ran it and now my computer just sits there.

So you removed all of the files and programs from your computer?

Yeah.

And now it doesn’t work?

Yeah.

And now you want to know why?

Yeah.
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Thank you for calling Acme Computer Technical Support, my name is Ishmael, how may I assist you?

Like, this computer is totally fried, man.

In what way, ma’am?

(Sound of tapping, as on a desk to or a mirror, followed by a long inhalation) The keys on the keyboard keep moving around, and I can’t ever seem to find my files where I left them.

Uh-huh.

And the display, like wow, man how do you guys get it to do that? (More tapping/inhalation) Oh wow that’s wild.

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