Call Center Life II

Having received encouragement from an independent source (thanks, Rich McLafferty ) I shall continue:

Thank you for calling Blah Tech Support, my name is Ishmael, how may I help you?

Yeah, like, I stole this computer, but it ‘s password protected. Can you help me?


Thank you for calling Blah Tech Support, my name is Ishmael, how may I help you?

My computer is laughing at me.

Excuse me?

Every once in a while, I hear laughter from inside of the box.

O…K,  What exactly does the laughing sound like?

You don;t believe me, do you? 

That’s not the point, ma’am I’m trying to determine what may be causing the sound that you hear.



Thank you for calling ABC Cell Phone Customer Service, how may I help you?

I want to dispute part of my bill.

May I have your phone number, please?  (pause)  I’m looking at our bill, which part do you want to dispute?

It appears that there are over $400 in text messaging charges that I didn’t make or authorize. 

They were made from a phone on this account.

Well, yes, they were made by my children, but I don’t think I should be responsible for them since I didn’t make them. 

(On mute) The messages or the children??


Call Center Attendance Line, are you going to be absent or tardy?

Female Employee:  I’m sick and won’t be in today. 

(Child’s voice in the background of the call) Mommy are we going to Wal-Mart yet?

CLICK!!  (Obviously going to get medicine)


Thank you for calling Blah Tech Support, my name is Ishmael, how may I help you?

My girlfriend threw my computer off off the balcony in my apartment. 

That’s not covered under your warranty, sir.

I figured that, but is it covered under my Accident Protection Insurance?


Thank you for calling Blah Customer Service, my name is Ishmael, how may I help you?

I want to return my computer for a refund.

When did you purchase the computer?

Spring of 1995.

Sir, that’s over 10 years ago.

So?  it came with lifetime support, they can’t help me fix it, so I want my $2400 back.


That oughta be enough for now.


4 thoughts on “Call Center Life II

  1. I think companies see call centers as a necessary evil, as a department where you can cut funds and pay pennies to get butts in chairs to take these calls.

    It is absolutely the wrong attitude to have. In reality, call center folks are the first person CUSTOMERS have with any particular company. Call center folks are COMPANY REPRESENTATIVES who work with customers when they are pissed off and frustrated. Call center folks have the ability to save a customer, and make him or her be an ADVOCATE of that company FOR LIFE.

    I get great service from Enterprise car rentals. When I had my grandfather’s funeral to go to and was broke, they really went out of their way to give me a deal. And I’ve told everyone I know to rent from them, because they took care of me when I really needed it. I’ll rent with them for life. And I’ll tell everyone I know to rent from them. And that was from one experience on the phone.

    It really makes me shake my head when I see how company executives treat their call center staff.

  2. “Ishmael” just seemed like an appropriate name for a long-suffering call center grunt. I have many names at the call center-: Fluffy; Sunshine; Grumpy; Crazy-guy-that-sits-in-a-corner-and- mutters-to-himself-that-we-keep-hidden-on-media- days; etc.
    We had a consultant come to give us training on new software, and she said it appeared to her that we were the “red-headed step-children” of our headquarters in California. We didn’t even have our own servers- they were all out of California. The client was absolutely amazed that we accomplished ANY of the goals they set.

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