Wisdom I’ve garnered

Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival

- Rene Dubos

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Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

. – Benjamin Disraeli

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Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.

- Simeon Strunsky

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swallowing pride never choked anyone

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Im not close-minded, you’re just wrong!

Bucky, “Get Fuzzy”

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Disclaimer: They’re my opinions, but they’re your problem.

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It was when I received the endorsement of Alec Guiness that I knew the Force was with us. - Martin Bell, MP for Tatton

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To be pleased with one’s limits is a wretched state.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half,

double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years

to the age of their best friend.

* Marcel Achard

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Tomorrow is no place to place your better days

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*~*Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs my darling…*~*

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I have been working outside the box for so long I lost the BOX

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My uncle stole 23 cans of beer but they cannot take him to court because they do not have a case.

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Buckle Up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car!

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The worst computer virus is an uneducated user

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Cardinal Glick: The first of many revamps the “Catholicism WOW!”

campaign will unveil over the next year . . . I give you the Buddy

Christ,… Christ didn’t come to Earth to give us the willies. He

came to help us “Dogma”

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People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

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It’s better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.

Elizabeth Kenny

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If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the

significance of a clean desk?

Laurence J. Peter US educator & writer (1919 – 1988)

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Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required.

- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

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That is not dead which can eternal lie. But given many strange aeons, even death may die -H.P.Lovecraft

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What is man without the beast, for without the beast man would soon die from great loneliness of spirit. For whatever happens to the beast, soon happens to the man. All things are connected. -chief

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Change is inevitable– except from a vending machine.

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.

-Rodney Dangerfield-

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If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.

– Bill Lyon

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If you truly believe in your own dreams and move towards them, and if

you are positive and energetic in your pursuit of these dreams…then

nothing will or can stand in your way.

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When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other

seemingly good advice, ignore them both.

Al Franken, “Oh, the Things I Know”, 2002 ————————————- The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people suffer from a mental illness. Think of your three closest friends, if they are ok, then it’s you

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“I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car

going really fast, and stick it out the window.”

***

“I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out.

Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.”

Steven Wright

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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

* Steven Wright

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Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial

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Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

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May you have warm words on a cold evening, a full moon on a dark night,

and the road downhill all the way to your door.

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If you truly believe in your own dreams and move towards them, and if

you are positive and energetic in your pursuit of these dreams…then

nothing will or can stand in your way.

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Share and Enjoy!

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Then the idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this and every country but his own.

The Mikado

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Whoever does not miss the Soviet Union has no heart. Whoever wants it back has no brain.

-Vladimir Putin-

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There are 10 types of people in the world….those who know binary,

and those who do not.

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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve

never tried before.

- Mae West (1892-1980)

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Life is too short to have anything but delusional notions about yourself.

-Gene Simmons of KISS-

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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

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I am impelled, not to squeak like a grateful and apologetic mouse,

but to roar like a lion out of pride in my profession.

-John Steinbeck-

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Some people are like Slinkies. They’re really good for nothing. But

they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a

flight of stairs.

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I have opinions of my own — strong opinions — but I don’t always

agree with them. -George Bush

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Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get caught in jet engines.

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It’s hard to soar with the eagles when you’re surrounded by turkeys

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…the one who has learned to overcome self-contempt has overcome

their contempt for others.

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Remember they can kill you but they can’t eat you that’s against the Law

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The Chain Around The Neck of Humanity is Our Tendency to Pass

Judgments on Others.

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” A man is not finished when he’s defeated; he’s finished when he

quits.” Richard Nixon

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The man who comes back through the Door in the wall will never be

quite the same as the man who went out. He will be wiser but less

cocksure, happier but less selfsatified, humbler in acknowledging his

ignorance, yet better equipped to understand the relationship of

words to things, of systematic reasoning to the unfathomable Mystery

which it tries, forever vainly, to comprehend.

Aldous Huxley, The Doors of Perception

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– I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

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I had amnesia once — or twice.

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– Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

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– What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

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* They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.

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* Teach A child to be polite and courteous in The home and, when he

grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

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* Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

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* Experience is The thing you have left when everything else is gone.

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* What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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– One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

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* when The only tool you own is A hammer, every problem begins to

look like a nail.

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* A flashlight is A case for holding dead batteries.

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* My weight is perfect for My height — which varies.

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– I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

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– The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

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* How can there be self-help groups?

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* is there another word for synonym?

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* Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

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* The speed of time is one-second per second.

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* is it possible to be totally partial?

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– What’s another word for thesaurus?

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* if swimming is so good for your figure, How do you explain whales?

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– It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

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* is it My imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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ALL WORDS AND EVENTS IN. THIS E-MAIL -EVEN THOSE BASED. ON REAL

PEOPLE–ARE ENTIRELY. FICTIONAL. ALL CELEBRITY VOICES. ARE

IMPERSONATED…..POORLY. THE FOLLOWING E-MAIL MAY CONTAIN COARSE

LANGUAGE. AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT IT. SHOULD NOT BE VIEWED OR READ BY.

ANYONE.

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I’m confused….wait, maybe I’m not.

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If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

- Carl Sagan

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I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.

- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

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As you slide down the banisters of life may the splinters never point the wrong way.

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Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem – The one safety for the vanquished is to abandon hope of safety; knowing there is no hope can

give one the courage to fight and win

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Valui ad satanam in computatrum meum invocandum – I succeeded in summoning satan into my computer

Country Wisdom:

* Don’t name a pig you plan to eat.

* Your fences need to be horse high, pig tight and bull strong.

* Life ain’t about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

* Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered,,,,,,,not yelled.

* Meanness don’t jest happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Don’t sell your mule to buy a plow.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most! of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway

* Don’t squat down with your spurs on.

* Don’t judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.

* Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* It’s better to be a has-been than a never-was.

* The easiest way to eat crow is while it’s still warm.

* The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.

* If it don’t seem like it’s worth the effort, it probably ain’t.

* It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

* Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.

*The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave your face in the mirror every mornin’.

* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

* Don’t worry about bitin’ off more ‘n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think.

* Only cows know why they stampede.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there with ya.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.

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When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

- George Washington Carver (1864-1943)

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I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.

Groucho Marx (1895-1977) ————————————-

He who increases wisdom, also increases sorrow.

When a work lifts your spirits and inspires bold and noble thoughts

in you, do not look for any other standard to judge by: the work is

good, the product of a master craftsman.

La Bruyere ————————————-

Ah, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp – or what’s a heaven for? –Robert Browning ————————————-

Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life. –Joan Lunden ————————————-

He that lives upon hope will die fasting.

*Benjamin Franklin

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Don’t get hung up on “appreciating” art:

A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world. –Edmond de Goncourt

Any work of art that can be understood is the product of journalism. –Tristan Tzara

It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of Art. –Oscar Wilde

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The Washington Post ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST

(in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.)

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,

when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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The Washington Post’s Style Invitational once again asked readers to

take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9 . Karmageddon (n): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

10 .Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12 .Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter

when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both stupid and an asshole. (My personal favorite!!)

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I am an expert witness– because I say I am!

Garden of Allah by Don Henley

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If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try skydiving!!

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Except for Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, War Has Never Solved Anything.

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I am wallowing in my own chaotic, insecure delusions…

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Homer: We’ll search out every place a sick twisted solitary misfit might run to.

Lisa: I’ll start with Radio Shack.

–Simpsons – Treehouse of Horror VII

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We will never be at peace with the nations next to us until we are at peace with the person who sleeps next to us.

~Nathaniel Hawthorne Bronner Jr.~

We will never be at peace with the nations next to us, or the person sleeping next to us, if we are not at peace with the person within us.

~Mary Sier

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If you could kick the posterior of the person who has hurt you the most, …you wouldn’t be able to sit down for six weeks. ~John Hagee~

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Pigs may fly, but they make very unlikely birds.

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Love people and use things, Not love things and use people

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There are two types of laws: there are just laws and there are unjust

laws… What is the difference between the two?…An unjust law is a

man-made code that is out of harmony with the moral law… Paul

Tillich has said that sin is separation. Isn’t segregation an

existential expression of man’s tragic separation, an expression of

his awful estrangement, his terrible sinfulness?

–Martin Luther King, Jr., 1963

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The nation is sick; trouble is in the land, confusion all around…

But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the

stars. And I see God working in this period of the twentieth century.

Something is happening in our world. The masses of people are rising

up. And wherever they are assembled today, whether they are in

Johannesburg, South Africa; Nairobi, Kenya; Accra, Ghana; New York

City; Atlanta, Georgia; Jackson, Mississippi; or Memphis, Tennessee,

the cry is always the same: ‘We want to be free.’

– Martin Luther King, Jr., 3rd April 1968

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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the

silence of our friends.

- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

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WOMBAT

W-aste O-f M-oney B-rains A-nd T-ime

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“LINUX is like a wigwam….no Windows, no Gates…..and an Apache inside!”

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-o)

/\\ Message void if penguin is violated.

\_V Don’t mess with the penguin.

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OVERCLOCKING – The process of installing high hopes, dumb luck, and

several paychecks into a rectangular box which transmits a signal to

a screen that displays your fate. The outcome is usually depressing.

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Computer Slang: RTFM – This acronym stands for READ THE F***ING

MANUAL. This term is used generally when people ask questions that

are readily available in the manual.

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ONTC – One Neck To Choke; a single point of contact for all

communications, or, the one person to be held accountable for a

certain responsibility

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One wonders for whom these hapless souls blog. Why do they choose to

expose their unremarkable opinions, sententious drivel and unedifying

private lives to the potential gaze of total strangers? What prompts

this particular kind of digital exhibitionism? The present generation

of bloggers seems to imagine that such crassly egotistical behavior

is socially acceptable and that time-honored editorial and filtering

functions have no place in cyberspace. Undoubtedly, these are the

same individuals who believe that the free-for-all, communitarian

approach of Wikipedia is the way forward. Librarians, of course, know

better.

* -Indiana University Dean and Rudy Professor of Information Science

Blaise Cronin

NaBloPoMo??

National Blog Post Month?  What’s next?? 

I just did this a coupla months ago, and look where it lead me.  Now I’m a member of two separate on-line writing groups and stumbled into the NaNoWriMo maelstrom. 

Likely the only person who will read this is the Green-eyed devil anyway, but that’s OK. 

Here’s a little poem I wrote for the Halloween Contest on Writers.  I took 2nd place (out of three entries, to be sure, but still 2nd.)

The Piper

Be alive and have fun like there’s no tomorrow;
For the piper is cleaning his tools today;
Someone must pay for my deep sorrow.

Today there is light and joy to borrow;
Every bacillus must have it’s day;
Be alive and have fun like there’s no tomorrow.

It’s not fair that my love now inhabits a barrow;
All of my joy lies encased in the clay;
Someone must pay for my deep sorrow.

All worms turn with the flight of time’s arrow;
For now you may yet drink, dance and be gay;
Be alive and have fun like there’s no tomorrow.

Now my love’s garden lies deeply in fallow;
But the piper is coming, and he knows his prey;
Someone must pay for my deep sorrow.

Payment in full is due upon the morrow;
Her silk thread was cut short by your drunken play;
Be alive and have fun like there’s no tomorrow;
Someone must pay for my deep sorrow.

© 2008 William J. Sier  (Just in case anyone gets any silly ideas)

  I wrote a story, too, but I’ll leave that for another day.

Polly Ticks, an she’s a-gonna go BOOM!!!

This was originally posted to Writers, a loose-knit group of people interested in writing as a profession- or just for the glorious joy of putting words together into sentences.  It was in response to the current thread on the presidential elections: 

The recent polemically wrangling rhetoric about political parties pandering to the baser instincts of the easily-fooled electorate, educated or not, among this obviously polarized pack of pundits has attracted my attention.

Normally, I avoid writing or speaking about, discussing or discoursing upon politics. I used to work for a small weekly newspaper here in Kansas which was actually little more than a soap box for the editor. However, he had a loyal following, primarily because of his conservative views. He once asked me “How did you and your wife get together, and how the hell do you STAY together?” I explained that we simply do not discuss politics in our house, a rule I’ve had to enforce on my sons once or twice. Likewise I dislike discussing politics with friends or acquaintances.

I have recently found a bumper sticker that I actually saw fit to put on my car. I wasn’t actually LOOKING for a bumper sticker, and the fact that I found it in what passes for a “head shop” in Kansas has nothing to do with it’s content.

Anyway the bumper sticker reads “Republicans/Democrats: Same Shit Different Piles.”

I claim no party, and no party claims me. I grew up in the day when people blindly voted a “straight ticket.” If you were one, the other was automatically evil. I refuse to be that way.

I can’t see any difference in what’s being said by EITHER side. They both some across to me rather like the adults in a Charlie Brown TV Special- noise, but nothing intelligible. Come to think of it, what can the President actually DO about these issues everyone seems so upset about? “Bush’s War” was impossible without the consent of the Congress. Support for education, research and all of the other touch-points likewise had to go through Congress, then stand the test of judicial scrutiny. Has the Office of the President been reduced to a mere “prole” scape goat?

Feed the dog, stable the pony and remember where responsibility really lays. Where were all of these people who are upset about abuse in Iraq when Saddam was using chemical Weapons of Mass Destruction against the Kurds? Peace and stability in the Middle East? Get real- the region has been in an almost constant state of war since the locked the gates of Eden. The longest period of stability in the Balkans was under the post-WWII constant threat of Soviet Intervention. Giving the world a Coke will NOT make it all better.

Where do I sign up?

Bush Officials Urge Swift Action on Rescue Powers
NYTimes.com

Bush seeks $700B for debt bailout
CNN

Economists: Financial bailout necessary
MSNBC

“People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor jerk who is shy half a slug who must tighten his belt. ” The Notebooks of Lazarus Long

Where were all of these helpful people two years ago when we needed a bailout?  We are classic “victims”, if that is the correct word, of the Mortgage Mess.

We had a nice house.  It wasn’t showy or very big, but it was ours.  Well, MOSTLY ours.  To quote a song by the late, great Jerry Reed “That me and the finance company own”.  “Owned” is the correct verb. 

Like (m)any other chump(s) in the late 90’s I tried to keep it as nice as possible, while enhancing the resale value.  New siding and windows came first.  It was really first-rate viny siding, and very good double-paned windows.  The contractor even knew a banker looking to make this kind of home improvement 2nd mortgage loan.  The plan was we were to get the work done, and then she was supposed to help us get a new mortgage at a lower rate for the whole amount.  That was the plan.  However:

“The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men,
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!
(The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!)   Robert Burns, To a Mouse (Poem, November, 1785)

Next there were the termites they discovered while replacing the patio door. I’d never seen a termite before, but there was little doubt in my mind what those stupid little white ants were. Hello, exterminator.

After the loan went through and the work was done, I couldn’t find the loan officer. The offices where they had been were empty. This was not a fly-by-night operation. This was a real bank and a banker of some standing in the community.

So anyway there we are with a nice looking house and two mortgages. We should have sold it then, without the loan officer, but this was at a time when the local military base was undergoing a downsizing, with the major unit moving to Europe. Schools built to accommodate the families of soldiers and support personnel were closed, and houses didn’t move in that market. By 1993, we had filed bankruptcy.

After The Floods of 1993, the ground started moving at an accelerated rate. We escaped the water, but the false-stability of the ground was disturbed. First the foundation cracked. If you are unfamiliar with Kansas geology and building practices, imagine if you will houses built on the old flood plain of a river, down stream from the dam constructed to control the flooding but outside of the levees. “Geology” actually implies rock. “Sandy Clay” is a better description. Houses built upon slabs of concrete on land that calling it “unstable” is a gross misnomer. Water line breaks were routine, and to find a house without a cracked foundation and wonky walls was a rarity.

It got so bad we could see light coming in beneath the south wall in the master bedroom. The floors were like a rolling plain beneath the carpeting from all of the cracks. So another mortgage was necessary to get at least the south end of the house lifted. Then part of the ceiling started to collapse because of all the foundation movement.

My wife started talking about gasoline and matches. I started hoping for a tornado- less suspicious. They had discovered a small geologic fault running beneath the dam by this time, and everyone had earthquake insurance added onto their policy. I tried to convince my agent to consider that it all MAY have started with a small earthquake, but he thought I was kidding.

We had to wait until after 2000 to get his done, until the bankruptcy had been completely discharged, but eventually

we got the one end of the house done. I thought it was odd that the mortgage officer that we went through kept adding onto our income until it “fit”, but he assured me that this was a common practice, coming to an “average” income level for our area.

So once again we limped along for several years, in hopes of getting yet another refinancing to fix the other end of the house. I should have looked skyward for inspiration – I might have seen the leaks in the roof. Another refinance, only not for what we had planned. THIS guy told me he knew of an appraiser that “if he didn’t see it, it wasn’t real” so he urged me to smooth out and/or otherwise cover up the undulating floors. That way the house would appraise for more and we could get more of a mortgage. We got a nice chunk of change, but not enough to do the rest of the foundation as well.

Finally we felt we were in a position to finish the foundation work. Someone started building multi-story houses along a nearby street, and property values skyrocketed. We thought with the increase in value we might finally be able to get the foundation done and sell this house. We were in the process of preparing for this when we discovered that the termites had not really left. No the hungry little… devils had come up behind a book shelf we had on the eastern wall, making many of our books hors d’oeuvres before proceeding on to the main structure. We couldn’t even interest anyone in the house as a potential “flip” with this combination of problems. We couldn’t afford it, we couldn’t fix it and we couldn’t even sell it. So we lost it.

One would think I should have been suspicious of all of these clowns and their machinations, and on one level I suppose I was. But I kept thinking eventually we’d sell the house, and everything would work out.

So why am I asking about OUR bailout? What excuse do these financiers have? They hoped it would continue for ever, and everyone would wind up happy, rich and comfortable. The minute things got tough for them, they start crying for the government to help them. Nobody rode to our aid. We received no such compassion & understanding from them. I read about loan officers from these companies living in their cars and losing their condos, some living in their cars, and I say “wah!”

One mortgage company referred us to a debt assistance company. We had submitted all of our information to this outfit and they had sent it to them. So what did it accomplish? When I called to see what we could work out, they hadn’t even opened the packet. The representative had no idea what I was talking about, and just continued to demand payment.

Bailout?  Don’t those building have windows?  Feel free.

That smell isn’t just coming from Denmark, Hamlet.

“I think, however more than just Texans are going to be affected by this storm. It is said that 25% of the oil refineries are located off the Texas coast. There are already places that are advertising $5 gas.”

http://www.greeneyewire.com/foo/bracing-for-hurricane-ike/

Having just returned from Illinois, where I found Regular Gasoline going for $4.05 a gallon, I was glad to return to Kansas, where it’s only $3.75. Also, we saw places in Missouri where it as $3.40 a gallon. And yet some places are charging $5.00 a gallon, because of Hurricane Ike.

I remember the evening the First Gulf War started.  I was still working Security at Farrell Library on K-State, which meant I stayed until everyone was out and locked up.  I was listening to the news about the beginning of the air strikes, when “what to my wondering eyes did appear but”,…– no, not a miniature sleigh or any number of reindeer but TWO EMPLOYEES OF A LOCAL GASOLINE EMPORIUM CHANGING THE PRICE OF THE GASOLINE ON THE SIGN!!  There was NO WAY anyone could have effectively known what, if any, affect the opening of hostilities wold have on the price of gas, and this station owner was out raising his prices.  I haven’t bought fuel from him since.

Immediately after 9/11 gas stations raised their prices, and fools lined up to top off their cars at the inflated price.  This before we had any solid PROOF that it was Middle Eastern extremmists whohad carried out the attacks!!  (And lest you ask “Who else would do such a heinous thing?” allow me to point out that the Oklahoma City Bombing as carried out by a white-bread caucasian Gulf War Veteran.)

Oh for heaven’s sake!!  The freakin’ hurricane was probably still miles off shore when they were raising gas prices!! 

I believe this exchange from a 1980 movie called “The Formula” explains much:

 Arthur Clements: [proposing that Titan Oil can raise their gasoline prices] The people will accept the 12 cents now because we can blame it on the Arabs!
Adam Steiffel, Chairman Titan Oil: Ah, Arthur, you’re missing the point: We *are* the Arabs. …We’re not in the oil business; we’re in the oil shortage business! 

Why do SOME places have $5.00 a gallon gasoline and others have it for $3.40??  Is Missouri that much easier to reach than Georgia and South Carolina ?  Aren’t they actually CLOSER to the Gulf and all of those refineries?? California is another place I heard mentioned.  Aren’t they ALSO a major oil producing state? 

What The Market Will Bear.  It’s a basic tenet of business schools, although I’ve never attended a single one.  I did sell produce and Christmas Trees out of our yard in Illinois, and I had a paper route.  I know that if you have what people want (or think they need) they will pay for it. 

Ask any pusher.

I just can’t watch

My wife is in watching the History Channel’s broadcast of footage from 9/11/01.  Whenever I walk through the room, it’s like a train wreck you see happening but can’t do a thing about–  I can’t help but look.  But I can’t just sit there and watch.

I have not forgotten.  I can never forget.  I can remember the expression on the man’s face who told me it was not a small plane that hit one of the towers–  nor was it an accident.  But I don’t even want to go into a minute-by-minute description of what I did when where or with whom.  I haven’t forgotten.  I just don’t feel the need to wallow in that time. 

My Dad was a bombardier in World War II.  He flew missions in B-24’s in North Africa and B-17’s out of England.  Before Dad died late last year, one of my nephews asked him how could he get into the plane every time, knowing what was in store.  “Easy,” Dad said, “I figured I was already dead anyway.” 

I remember as a kid, he said that he never even wanted to fly again.   One day he and I took a ride over to the County Airport.  MUCH to my amazement, we got INTO a small plane owned by a co-worker of his and went for a pleasant flight over the area where I grew up.  He flew several more times after that, even to England for a reunion of his bomber group at their old base. 

Dad was great fun to watch WWII movies with.  There would be fighters diving at bombers and Dad would come out with “That model of Focke-Wolf wasn’t out at that time!” or “That bomber group was in the Pacific then!”  When the movie Memphis Belle came out in 1990, he was persuaded to go see it.  Afterwards, I asked him if the film was accurate.  “Yes,” was his reply, “and I never want to see it again.”

That’s kind of the way I feel about 9/11 video.  Some day, I may feel the need to watch it all again. Today is not that day.

Oh-oh, looks like my blog has flat-lined

Two days and no one has even taken a peek.  Well, what do I expect when I don’t publish new stuff?

Hmmm…more Phone Follies?  Nah, not today.  I’m not out of stories, I just don’t have ay ready to spill out of my head.  Boy, I am REALLY coming up empty here!!! It’s not really writer’s block., just nothing has me really driven to write except the fact that I DON’T feel like writing about anything.

Back to The Vault.  In an earlier post or comment, I mentioned my e-mails at work.  They were my main release for frustration,with many people finding out about my sometimes contentious yet bizarre sense of humor.   One in particlar stands out in my memory as my favorite, to the extent that I’ve saved it. 

I’ve sanitized it, removing references to clients and employers, including the name of the team manager in question.   He has the same first and last name of a famous Hollywood movie director, which should be obvious from the body of the message:

From: Gxxxxx Lxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2006
To:  Ops-Desk
Subject: Schedule

 

                           Folks,  

•    It would be ever most helpful if I were to have something in my folder.  This is a new team being formed and I would like to be able to introduce myself to them and give them their schedules.  This would be most easily accomplished if I had the info.

• Thanks,
• By the way, my name is actually spelled GEORGE (with one “R”).

Dear George,

I heartily apologize for this omission when we did the schedules last night—apparently, “The Force” was not with us. The responsible peon has been flogged, driven into the cold wailing and gnashing her teeth while pathetically clinging to her few pitiful possessions, her family, goods and chattels sold and the money used to erect a monument to you with an engraved scroll detailing the insult you endured. Is that sufficient??

As for the misspelling of your name, I have yet to locate an instance where your name WAS misspelled—at least, not by this office. Perhaps you need to clean your glasses.

Now, perhaps, the few, the proud, this happy band known as “Gxxxxx Lxxxx’ Team” will be come acquainted with your magnificence, and thus be inspired on to great and heroic deeds to the greater glory of (our client), (our employer) and the United States of America.

 

Fortunately (I think) I was so proud of this opus that I showed it to my supervisor before sending it.  He was amused, but was not entirely certain that the manager-in-question would be, and “dissuaded”me from sending it.  Several of my co-workers likewise found it entertaining, including his daughter, who concurred with my supervisor’s assessment that the manager would not have been pleased. 

Many months later, after I had established a working rapport and friendship with this manager, I showed it to him.  He, understanding my sense of humor by this time, laughed.   Perhaps it did get better with age.

This is addictive

Now it’s been 30 days since the green-eyed devilchallenged me to start my own blog.  I used to think blogs were pathetic exercises in narcissism by geeks in desperate need of a life transfusion.  I can still see examples of those within the blogosphere, but I’ve also seen ones with intelligent conversations useful discussions.   It reminds me of the early days of the Web.  There were a lot of web sites put up that were a waste of bandwidth, but the worthwhile ones survived. 

Will mine survive?.  Probably, simply because I’ve become addicted to writing like this.  I really don’t care who reads this it, or if anyone even does.  I write the way I always USED to- just for.  My e-mails at work used to be legendary, until they told us to make everything more “professional.”   If I can find a way to protect the innocent, I’ll post one of my favorites (which I was not allowed to send.)  Now I’ve found another outlet for my ranting and expressive side. 

Maybe more good things will come of this– and all because an old friend updated her e-mail.  Synchronicity.  Great album- freaky feeling.

I fear I’ve written myself out for the evening.

I’m sitting here wondering what else I could possibly write about.  I could write about the crime stories I’ve seen on the web,  but that’ll just upset me all over again at how cruel “humans” can be.  I was once asked if I believed that humans evolved from apes.   “No,” I said, “we ARE apes!” 

 ! THIS IS NOT TO BE TAKEN AS AN 

INVITATION TO START ANY SEMI-

RELIGIO/SCIENTIFIC DISCUSSION

OF EVOLUTION,CREATION, OR

INTELLIGENT DESIGN ! 

It is merely an observation.  If you don’t agree, that is your right.  You have the right to remain silent, and I have the right to not hear your views unless I want to, which I have stated in very bold print that I do not.

So about what shall rant this evening?

I could write about Bailey’s haircut, but I don’t have an after picture yet. 

Bailey pre-groomer

 I could write about the political races, but to paraphrase Benjamin Franklin from the musical 1776 “I won’t put politics on (electronic media)/ it’s a mania!”

Aw, what the heck, I’ve ranted enough for this one to count.

The Paperless Office and other fantasies

I read with interest, vague though it may have been, of the revelation of a gen-yoo-ine Big Foot in a deep freeze in the state of Georgia.  Damn–  no wonder they haven’t been able to find any!!  Rednecks have already hunted `em down and are saving them up for Dale Earnhardt, Sr.’s resurrection celebration!!!   That’s gonna be one heck of a shee-bang, let me tell ya.  They can have that giant ”Hogzilla” killed in Alabama by some kid last year, too. 

Speaking of pipe dreams, at work today I tried to print out a list of customer service agents who had temporarily been switched to another line of business because of call volume.  I put out over the radio and in an e-mail that the list would be printing out at a particular laser printer in the building, so that team managers could ensure that the little darlings– I mean AGENTS would complete the process by actually logging in and out of their phones.  This keeps the client from over-delivering calls to us, or at least they have no good excuse if they continue so to do.  Trust me, it makes sense to us.

Anyhow, I notice that the PRINT Icon doesn’t go away, nor did I get a message telling me my document had been successfully printed.  So I opened the printer queue for that machine- 59 documents and CLIMBING!!   Our local IT department and I have a genial truce between us.  They don’t treat me like an idiot, and I don’t make fun of their pocket protectors.  So I tried to be as nice as I could when I called them, politely inquiring if they were aware of the problem with that printer.

“Huh?” was the reply.  I am forever in awe of this man’s command of the Klingon language.  Then even through the phone I could see the propeller on his beanie start to turn.  “Oh,” he said, “I must have forgotten to turn something back on.”  It’s like calling Microsoft Tech Support; a technically correct answer that is absolutely useless.  However, in the interest of peace and keeping my own profile active, I refrained from further comment. 

I finally used a different printer, and let everyone know that due to technical problems beyond my control, the list could now be found elsewhere.  However, it got me wondering.

Fifty-nine documents, some of the multiple pages, eventually printed out on that laser printer.  I know they did, because I walked by the poor wee beastie on my way home, and I saw it groaning under the load.  Probably all of those documents, which were each absolutely vital to the preservation of the American Way of Life, were printed at another printer. 

Who out there remembers The Paperless Office?  C’mon, both of you raise your hands.  Have you ever seen one?  Neither have I.  I often contemplate how many trees we kill with worthless TPS reports, memos, meeting notes which were e-mailed to all participants and dart-targets featuring the image of a “beloved” supervisor. 

I have the answer.  After years of careful research, I have determined what happened to the The Paperless Office.

It’s in a deep-freeze somewhere on the North American Continent.   The exact location is classified.